My life and experience as an escort also seems to find its way into my real life day to day world. For example yesterday. I had a meeting with a potential client about a freelance job. I had already spoken at length with this guy about his project and this was a simple chemistry check and i had to sign the non disclosure. He’s putting a team together and looking for the right mix. It was right up my alley, i was not just qualified but even over qualified though this project has potential to really skyrocket. I met with him over coffee to talk about what he was doing moving forward and how best what i do and how my skill set could fit in. Well that was the idea anyways.
What this meeting turned into was some entitled, self important, blow-hard talking about himself, repeating himself, not making clear points. This wasn’t a conversation, this guy wasn’t there to engage me and see if i was the right candidate to move his project forward and it reminded me of my escort life. This guy if he wasn’t a hobbyist sure was acting like one. In the beginning of the conversation i tried to interject with my skills bringing up previous projects i had worked on that would fit with his model. To no avail he was too busy name dropping and repeating himself to notice my presence. About 25 minutes in i gave up and went into escort mode, smiling, nodding, leaning in when he was speaking, acting interested and making him feel like he really had something special in this project. I as a prop there to service his needs. All this encounter needed was my tits on the table and an envelope stuffed with cash in my purse.
In retrospect i should have gotten up, thanked him for his time and been on my way about 15 minutes in when realized what was going on. But i didn’t. I don’t know why, maybe because my experience as an escort got in the way and i went into survival mode. Subconsciously maybe i didn’t think i had the right to walk away i was there so i had to see it though to the bitter end just like when youre in a none to stealler escort situation. compartmentalize, get though it, get out. The situation seemed all to familiar, only i wasn’t there to service him it was a business meeting and he wasn’t paying me for my time. I had every right to walk away and not feel guilty or bad about it or that he would trash me on a message board for my “unprofessional” behavior. But that didnt happen. I stayed, I saw it though until he dismissed me and declared the meeting over.
As i was driving home i thought about what had happened, how i so easily slipped into escort mode and didn’t assert myself, my skills, my abilities how i gave up in this meeting. I did myself a disservice yesterday i wont let that happen again.
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Hmmm… Is it possible that escort work was not the reason (or not the only reason) your meeting played out the way it did ?
I’ve had a few client encounters like this (and worse – one spent the entire meeting staring at my tits) when I was a young, eager graphic designer, and long before I got into any kind of sex work, and each one made me feel used and objectified. Why did I take it? Because I was eager to get a job. Because I liked the project itself. Because I was raised to be gentle, attentive and polite, and not make noise.
It happens now too – not every web design customer is a pleasure to work with; and men are not the only ones domineering and self-absorbed. That’s why I have a sliding-scale hourly rate… Pain-in-the-ass customers are either worth a 30% surcharge, or so bad, I don’t do business with them.
The difference is that now, I don’t feel victimized when I go there, when I nod, smile, listen and agree with everything they say. It’s a business tool, a conscious, if cynical business decision. Some people are simply easier led.. eh.. worked with… when you appear to go along with everything they say. The trick is to make ’em believe that every statement you make to steer the meeting in a productive direction is actually an agreement with something they said, and every intelligent suggestion an offer of service and subservience to them :-). I actually don’t mind. The objective is to get the work done, and my ego is not easily bruised any more.
If anything, sex work I’ve done, as well as the years of running my own business, have forced me to develop the healthy boundaries and the ways to reinforce them – something that didn’t come naturally to me…
Ultimately, I think this just goes to show that being an escort, a designer, a burger flipper, sex worker or a psychologist are at the bottom pretty much the same. When you work with people, there’ll always be some who’ll want to make you their “whore”, and not in a nice way :-). You can either flip them off, or take it and hit them in the wallet. The important part is to always, always remember that they can’t take that choice away from you.
Interesting thought. I’ve had the opposite experience entirely. Instead of launching into escort mode at work, I actually feel myself becoming overly controlling and assertive…almost as if I’m forcing the escort in me down a bit and trying to subdue her. Its like a subconscious way of making sure I keep the two separate. Down right creepy, I say.
Interesting read. Big thanks for this.
Experience is a great teacher,even though it can be cruel & unkind.I know this sounds trite, but it is true, and I testify to this by putting it to the test often,lol. I think you’re sub-conscious had already made up it’s mind that this dude was full of it and a waste of your valuable time. You played the situation with a subtle hand,which in most cases is the way to go. You move on,lesson learned and with no need to inflame this jerk off,whose path you might have to cross again someday.
Happy holidays Sweetie! 🙂
Some people compose with no passion, but yours is undoubtedly evident of how much you enjoy doing what you do. It is nice to see your love for writing in your work. Continue motivating other writers like me.