It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye

Every day of my life

You hear it all the time or maybe just i hear it all the time. Escorts fretting about how to maintain a relationship with a man and still continue to be an escort. How do you establish and maintain something real, solid with someone you connect with and still make a living as a sex worker. Its not easy, but then again when is any relationship easy? Never. Relationships are a lot of work, all relationships. I’ve found its easier to maintain a  love relationship with a man as an escort then to maintain friendships with other women in the business. Maybe because when you enter a relationship with a man as an escort the key element you need to pay special attention to is honesty. Real honesty not “escort honesty” escorts are paid for creating an illusion, that’s really what we do for a living when you’re involved with a man in a real way you have to be able to switch off the illusion maker and strip down to actual real 100% honesty. Not an easy thing to do in any relationship and i think its particularly hard for people who spend a great portion of their day being a fantasy. If you cant do that then your chances of success are greatly diminished. You’re just doing your job and not relating to the person across the table, bed, car from you. No one wants to be at work 24/7.

Girls just wanna have fun

My relationships with other women in the business, I’ve had my ups and my downs. Women in this business are some of the most fun people i have ever come across and trust me my real world friends are damn fun, some are even famous for being fun. But escorts blow them out of the water on the fun scale. They are fascinating creatures, all have amazing personal stories. They are also many times damaged people (myself included) often emotionally unstable and often transitory. Not good elements when you’re trying to maintain a real friendship with someone. There is also an element of sadness because this business is isolating, you want to reach out and connect with people who understand you, get you, can relate to you. Even if you have a solid love relationship, an understanding man at your side, they don’t and can’t truly “get it”. But another escort, she will. So we go about trying to find other ladies to connect with to share stories with to vent to when the day is bad, who will know what it is were talking about and understand how we feel.

Here kitty kitty

But many of those people we seek out are incapable of maintaining something real with another person. Some just don’t know how because thats a skill they haven’t developed because all their time is spent on how to be a better escorts, how to better compartmentalize their feeling emotions, developing their second personality (ie their escort persona).  Some are just in hustle mode 24/7 and there’s nothing more hurtful then when you realize that that relationship you thought was honest was really all about what you could do for anther person. When you have your “doh” moment, being an escort it stings a little harder because your radar for that kind of thing is supposed to be more finally tuned and as a result bad blood can run even deeper then in the civvie world. You’re dealing not only with the loss of something (even if you were under a false impression) but you’re also dealing with the anger, embarrassment and feelings of betrayal for being taken for a ride by one of your own.  People wonder why there are these big feuds between women in this business and i think that’s one reason. Women are complicated creatures, sex workers are twice as complicated.

defy convention, I do.

I’ve been able to maintain a solid relationship with a man while being an escort.  Being upfront and honest in a real way  in that regards is something i can do and i do do. It’s not always easy but its worth the effort. I’m lucky my partner(s) have felt the same way i have and we’ve made our own rules and im happy with the results. Don’t let anyone tell you it cant be done, it can be done. I do it every day and have for years.

I’ve had spotty luck with my relationships with other women in this business… that is so much more a work in progress. for me.

Pas jolie, du tout

Jump on everyones doing it

It happens from time to time. Another escort jumps on your band wagon. It happens to me more then just time to time but it happens to most girls who put a lot of effort into their branding and marketing. Some lazy bitch tries to steal your Mojo. It can be as blatant as coping and pasting your ad copy or website copy and using at their own, to as insidious as following you around on tour, to as annoying as taking your signature branding and trying to co-opt it.

It happened to me again, well twice this week really. A girl has decided to plant her ass everywhere I’m touring. A girl who i generally don’t get along with who i was once close with and takes every opportunity to say something nasty about me or spill my personal business in public when she can. Yep, shes going everywhere i have an placed. So i guess even though she thinks I’m some giant bitch, I’m a bitch who knows where all the good touring spots are and should be followed around.

I was also alerted this week to the fact that a girl i know, a fairly well known touring escort has a new set of photos up on her site…. posing with apples.

"Take a bite of my juicy red apple"

I’ve long cultivated the whole temptation/apple branding in the escort world. It goes back to my first pro escort photos, apples, apples everywhere and while i don’t own the “apple concept” (see the recent Cindy Crawford lingerie shoot) in the escort world that’s a branding I’m known for. If they dont know my name, they know me as the apple girl.  In this case injury was added to insult because this is an escort i once helped when a website had stolen her photos. She was pretty upset some Domme was using her pictures as her own and I made a phone call to the website owner and was able to calmly explain the situation and get them to remove the photos. I was happy to help because i was in position to do so and we all hate it when our photos are stolen. This girl and i are acquainted, so there’s no way she could not know what she was doing, this was calculated and frankly i think showed her for what she seems to be…. Pretty but lazy and unoriginal.

I work hard at building my brand and my persona. I try to be original and to be forward thinking. I also try to help out other working girls when I’m in a position to do so i feel we all should give back a little bit but this kinda thing makes me not want to help anyone anymore.  When i see them upset and at a loss over stolen photos, and what to do about it  even though i know i can help, it makes me want to just say “oh well, hope you work that out” even though i know i can help cuz why bother if those very same people are going to turnaround when they get the chance and try to fuck you, because they are lazy. Yes, I think it mostly comes down to lazy.

Sloth is a deadly sin, yanno

And if youre too lazy to come up with your own ideas in marketing yourself as an escort, or write your own website copy,  or ad copy then I can only assume and I’m sure others will to as to what a lazy fuck you are in the sack.  Pretty only takes you so far in this world, at some point you are going to have to back that pretty face up with something a little more substantial.

beauté se fane, les coupures paresseux pour l’os

Deceitful pretenses

Let me tell you what i know...

There has been a rash “escort blogs” handing out bad advice. Self proclaimed insiders blogging anonymously, meaning they are not blogging under their “working names” so their inclusion into the business cant be verified. What can be verified though, is they are handing out bad advice to both clients and sex workers.

This kinda thing really irks me and i try to debunk the crap when confronted by it but it gets exhausting when i see smart people in the business just taking this crap on face value because it has the word “escort” or “sex worker” attached to it. Did the fauxho scandal of last year not teach us anything? I’m often amazed at how a group of people so in tune with their inner bullshit detector can be so gullible because someone puts “escort” on their blog title. I’m talking about both sides of the fence here just as many “hobbyists” are buying this ridiculous crap as sex workers are.

Pssssst... not real either

We all like a little fantasy and if some wannabe writer wants to write a blog pretending to be a hooker, ex hooker, madame, stripper or whore fucker then great, knock yourself out and tell your personal story…. but do not hand out advice on serious subjects! Fakes  holding themselves out as  experts and co-opting the real experiences of long time workers and long time users of sexual services  by dolling out advice,  is sure to get someone arrested, hurt or worse. Do NOT tell people how to pick the right escort, as if you KNOW when you don’t. Do NOT tell some girl how to avoid a bad client or the cops when your just making shit up. It’s so beyond irresponsible, it makes me see red. I wish i could do more then just call them out and hope that others with knowledge do the same thing. But that’s really all i can do.

It’s been almost year since the very scandalous fauxho controversy made its way though the escort community and shes still out there spewing her bullshit, to anyone who will listen. Still stealing content and using the photos if a very well known cam girl as her own, with not even enough shame to change her name. Yes I’m using the term “she” loosely because as we all know were not even sure if it’s a female, many think its a decidedly male voice that narrative speaks with.

friends don't let friends RT fakes

I see her re-tweeted in my twitter steam weekly… by sex workers that should know better. I do my part to give them the info to make an informed decision on wither they wish to lend their credibility to someone who is the worst kind of fraud perpetrated on a community but still i see her name come up. She’s not the only one, just the most prolific, the one that spends all her time on her fake persona. Likely sitting alone in the dark pounding away at the keyboard getting some kind of twisted satisfaction at all the trust it is betraying and being smugly satisfied with itself that its able to even after being confronted by the most respected of sex workers activists and writers and members if the community, across all facets of sex work, it keeps up the fraud. Even though if  you Google it’s name with the word “fake” you get academics detailing her plagiarism, sex workers  denouncing its authenticity,  its still out there pretending to be real, handing out bad advice and collecting detailed information on “potential clients” but yet … smart people who do have the Google just feed into it.

The Great Pretender

I don’t get it… is it lazy? lack of critical thinking skills? or is real sex worker voices just not salacious enough and people need a fake “cum dumpster”, “gang bang” advocate hooker/stripper out there to validate their Lifetime TV movie view of sex work? From the general population i might understand this but from sex workers themselves?

I am at a loss… and i am exhausted.

New scam in town

The lengths to which some will go

It looks like there’s a new scam in town. This is cross posted from a blog of a friend, Miss Beverly Fisher. Miss Fisher is a very well respected member of the escort community a $pread Magazine contributor and a has been sharing her thoughts on the biz for a lot longer then i have.

Seriously read it, it not only chronicles the latest way some shady people are trying to scam escorts but it also details how the same shady people would like to scam clients by writing fake reviews of girls who pay them for advertising space… everyone gets scammed with this outfit.

“Advertise with us, or we’ll ruin your reputation

Worthless review system? Extortion? Is this the future?

Below I’m posting an email in it’s entirety which I and many other girls received, trying to get us to pay a lot of money for an escort advertising site.

Not only is this email extortion — give us ad money or we’ll smear your reputation — BUT

it makes the review system worthless, by selling good reviews……….”

read the full entry here, including the letter this outfit sends out in full and unedited!!