The Master’s Thesis

I was contacted by a masters student at a very prominent British university. She let me know that she was writing her masters thesis on blogging and identities in sex work and asked if she could interview me. In the same letter she let me know she was using my blog (yes, this blog) in her research. I was intrigued. After looking her up to make sure she was legit I agreed to be interviewed. The interview was fun, I liked her right away. It was clear she had put some thought into her questions and research. She asked smart questions and made some rather interesting observations about me and my blogging and really whats more fun then talking  for an hour with a smart person about what I love… Writing.

Yes, I write in real life. Yes, my work is published, no I wont tell you how to find it. It got me to thinking about why I continue to blog. I started blogging because I had something to say. Working in the sex business, the community forums were (and still are) full of he man women haters and I got tired of being bullied by keyboard warriors online because I had an opinion. I continued to blog because I got great feedback from other women in the business who said  they were supportive of me because I often said what they wanted to say but were afraid to. I felt for those women I needed to keep up the good fight and I continued.

But why do I continue to write in this blog? I dunno. I find I do it less and less. I dont wanna say the same things over an over. I guess I had hoped after a while that this blog would help me write about this business, my business in other ways, on other platforms and in a very small way i guess  it did. I was interviewed by legitimate papers, I was quoted in national magazines. I was also poo poo’ed by the very same peers who encouraged me to fight the good fight, for being too controversial. When a group of them started a collective blog about sex work it was suggested by one of the members that I be invited in, the others dismissed me out of hand because I was too divisive. Even though I have more professional writing experience then many of them, even though I was often praised for speaking out about sex work when others were  afraid to.  I was too controversial, too outspoken, too divisive in their eyes. Not because they thought I was a bad writer, or because I always forget to capitalize my lower case i. It felt personal and it didn’t feel very good at all.  It hurt my feelings and still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth when I see their url pop up unsolicited in my daily Internet browsing. I’ve tried to be supportive,  I’ve tried to be happy for their success. But really I’m just not,  I’m not happy for their success, I wanna be but I’m just not.

I’m not even sure why I’m writing this entry now. Sour grapes? Maybe. Having been an early outspoken sex worker blogger I took a lot of lumps for pulling the curtain back. I was stalked, harassed, hunted and bullied but I kept on fighting the good fight and speaking the truth as I saw it, My truth.  I blazed a bit of a trail and I’m pretty sure i will never be recognised for that, for my small part in the grand scheme how ultra cool it is now to be a sex work blogger.