You hear it all the time or maybe just i hear it all the time. Escorts fretting about how to maintain a relationship with a man and still continue to be an escort. How do you establish and maintain something real, solid with someone you connect with and still make a living as a sex worker. Its not easy, but then again when is any relationship easy? Never. Relationships are a lot of work, all relationships. I’ve found its easier to maintain a love relationship with a man as an escort then to maintain friendships with other women in the business. Maybe because when you enter a relationship with a man as an escort the key element you need to pay special attention to is honesty. Real honesty not “escort honesty” escorts are paid for creating an illusion, that’s really what we do for a living when you’re involved with a man in a real way you have to be able to switch off the illusion maker and strip down to actual real 100% honesty. Not an easy thing to do in any relationship and i think its particularly hard for people who spend a great portion of their day being a fantasy. If you cant do that then your chances of success are greatly diminished. You’re just doing your job and not relating to the person across the table, bed, car from you. No one wants to be at work 24/7.
My relationships with other women in the business, I’ve had my ups and my downs. Women in this business are some of the most fun people i have ever come across and trust me my real world friends are damn fun, some are even famous for being fun. But escorts blow them out of the water on the fun scale. They are fascinating creatures, all have amazing personal stories. They are also many times damaged people (myself included) often emotionally unstable and often transitory. Not good elements when you’re trying to maintain a real friendship with someone. There is also an element of sadness because this business is isolating, you want to reach out and connect with people who understand you, get you, can relate to you. Even if you have a solid love relationship, an understanding man at your side, they don’t and can’t truly “get it”. But another escort, she will. So we go about trying to find other ladies to connect with to share stories with to vent to when the day is bad, who will know what it is were talking about and understand how we feel.
But many of those people we seek out are incapable of maintaining something real with another person. Some just don’t know how because thats a skill they haven’t developed because all their time is spent on how to be a better escorts, how to better compartmentalize their feeling emotions, developing their second personality (ie their escort persona). Some are just in hustle mode 24/7 and there’s nothing more hurtful then when you realize that that relationship you thought was honest was really all about what you could do for anther person. When you have your “doh” moment, being an escort it stings a little harder because your radar for that kind of thing is supposed to be more finally tuned and as a result bad blood can run even deeper then in the civvie world. You’re dealing not only with the loss of something (even if you were under a false impression) but you’re also dealing with the anger, embarrassment and feelings of betrayal for being taken for a ride by one of your own. People wonder why there are these big feuds between women in this business and i think that’s one reason. Women are complicated creatures, sex workers are twice as complicated.
I’ve been able to maintain a solid relationship with a man while being an escort. Being upfront and honest in a real way in that regards is something i can do and i do do. It’s not always easy but its worth the effort. I’m lucky my partner(s) have felt the same way i have and we’ve made our own rules and im happy with the results. Don’t let anyone tell you it cant be done, it can be done. I do it every day and have for years.
I’ve had spotty luck with my relationships with other women in this business… that is so much more a work in progress. for me.
True that! I know we have discussed these this issue amongst ourselves and thanks for writing about it. I’ve been pretty lucky being able to maintain and obtain personal relationships while being a Domme with pretty lovely people. I agree, being upfront and honest is the best way to handle it. I’ve heard horror stories from others, but based on their reactions to sex work, I don’t think these were potentially great partners anyway.
Regarding other Ladies in the biz, also totally true! I have a lot of fun friends in and out of the biz, but the working girls are always the dirtiest and most fun, but those friendships are usually short-term or sporadic.
Women attack each other in so many forums, sex worker related or not. I think it’s sick and sad.
Anyway, I’m glad we are friends. Let’s go get drinks and get into some trouble soon! 😉
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