To go beyond is as wrong as to fall short

They Matter
Shes nuts, that’s clear. Not that shes a little off, she’s tinfoil hat wearing, frantic OCD and inconsistent in her writing style kinda nuts. I’ve gotten into a comment battle with her before. She will often pop up on any and every prostitution related story. Not in the story itself but in the comments. She says shes a former sex worker, she uses all the language the abolitionist use, shes anti sex worker who says she has seen prostitutes murdered before her and tells tales of pimps and hos that is the stuff of TV movies. She thinks were all trafficked victims and shes called activists “pimps” for fighting for the rights of sex workers. I don’t like her, she offends me in many ways. She offends me as a sex worker, she offends me as a free thinking women, she offends me as a human.

I however don’t think blackmailing her into shutting up by threatening to out her is in any way shape or form acceptable behavior. Which is happening right now by activists who are well known to the community and respected. I do not think her privacy should be violated because shes a pain in the ass, or obnoxious, or an abolitionist. Which is whats happening right now. She is being outed. Yes, her stories are wild and I’ve long thought they were either made up or wildly exaggerated. If you read her blog its riddled full of inconsistencies. But is that a reason to out her? Is her annoying habit of posting ad nauseum on any sex worker related story a reason to out her publicly (and her family) as a former prostitute? Which is happening right now.

We work under cover of pseudonyms, we do this to protect ourselves, because what we do isn’t legal but that’s not the only reason. Adult film work is legal and they to work under assumed names as well. Sex work legal or illegal  still has a very heavy stigma attached to it. We can be discriminated against, targeted and there are often many attempts to shame us for what we do. We ask that our privacy is respected by our clients, by our peers, by the media and when it isn’t there is a large outcry in the sex worker community. Lives can be ruined because someone is outed as a sex worker, families can be destroyed because someone is outed as a sex worker, people can also be put in real physical danger because they are outed.

So why are a couple of sex worker activist inflicting this on another person? A political opponent, an outspoken and often frantic poster on stories about prostitution? I don’t know why..but I know its WRONG.

It needs to be called out for what it is. Wrong. It makes us all look bad, it does not help our cause, it’s dangerous and mean and should not be tolerated. If we as sex workers want our privacy respected we must respect the privacy of others, even those opposed to us, even those that are outlandish, even those who disagree with us, even those on the fringes of reality.  This frantic bloggers arguments are easy to dispute, its not hard to expose her arguments as self serving and inaccurate on their face. But that’s what should be done. Her arguments should be disputed. She shouldn’t be outed or threatened to be outed or blackmailed into an apology because she’s annoying, or posts crazy comments on stories about prostitution or wildly  embellishes what she says her her own personal story as a prostitute. Even if it doesn’t ring true, which it doesn’t to my ears its not a valid reason to out her or to threaten to out her.

Its a slippery slope and the practice is dangerous. A  couple years back a person was outed for being a fake prostitute, the infamous fauxho scandal. A small group of people had basically figured out that this persona was really a man and had some information to back up but the information was un-confirmed, it was speculation and not fully formed we had pieces but not everything in black and white and we sat on the info for a long time because outing someone is a dangerous practice and you better be damn sure your info is 100% correct and accurate and you better be sure the person is dangerous not just annoying. Though the group of us were convinced we didn’t have enough proof  (yet) to do anything about it.  Someone in our group took it upon them self, acted alone and outed the fauxho. It wasn’t a decision made by anyone but the one person who did it. It was premature, I never was comfortable with how that whole thing went down. One person went rouge and outed someone.

Did that situation open the door for this one? Maybe it did, its possible. Who’s next on the being outed chopping block? I personally have had some angry and vocal  people disagree with my opinions have tried to threaten me into silence. My personal  information has had a bounty put on it. Websites dedicated to the exposing of little ole me because I am a big mouth, because I am out spoken, because I speak my truth as a sex worker. Plenty of people know my real name, details about my real life and could pony up for cash and prises in outing me. That shoe could drop, its been hanging over my head for years. Though as time goes by I fear the possibility less and less but you never get used to the threat of being outed.

If we as a community allow outing as a means to silence those opposed to us, to shut up people who disagree with us, even the annoying crazy acting ones then we will have to expect that it will in turn happen to us and we my friends have a LOT to lose. I would even go so far as to say we have more to lose. People can be put in danger, voices silenced out of fear of exposure. Is that what we want? I know its not what I want, its not what I fight for when I fight for sex worker rights.  These kinds of dirty trick tactics are not acceptable, it makes us look petty, mean and worst of all it makes it look like our arguments are invalid. Its wrong and it should stop now!

**I’m not linking to previous posts by other people because I wont contribute to this outing. The names don’t matter anyways.  My comments have been closed for a long time due to lots of spam but i will be opening comments up for a week on this so that people can discuss. Please keep it civil and on point. Any links to out anyone will be deleted.

**7/12- Ive been told there some issues with posting comments- I hope i’ve rectified the problem. If you find you still cant post a comment, please email me!

War of the words

I’ve got your dewey decimal system
Its seems as if its always such an uphill battle, you’re always pushing that heavy rock up that very big hill, the war of the words, the fight for the narrative when it comes to sex work and sex workers. It’s frustrating when people who aren’t sex workers “get it wrong”even when they mean well. When you run across someone misusing the correct terminology  and conflating and isolating prostitution with “sex work”  it can be disheartening, frustrating and very annoying because you know when you come across that, that you are losing narrative ground in the battle of the words. I try to be understanding when i come face to face with it but lets face it, I’m outspoken and often a hot head and i have little patience that seem to get thinner and thinner as time goes by.

Sex worker isn’t just another name for prostitute. True, prostitutes are sex workers and i know that can be confusing to those not not involved in the sex worker subculture or those not paying attention but all different kinds of people (both men and women) working in the sex business are sex workers . Strippers, prostitutes, Dommes, phone sex operators, webcam girls, and adult film actors (to name a few) are all sex workers. Granted no one really expects a librarian in Ottawa Canada to know the ins and out of sex work and clearly Elaine Condos ins’t up to date on her terminology, as i noticed when reading a story by sex writer and sex community member for Sexis Magazine Liz Langley about how Ottawa is adding a prostitute to the kinds of people you can check out of the library, (you can already check out a stripper)

“Of course there are some people who have objected to the checking out of the sex worker and the stripper. But, “Books are about information and information comes in many, many formats, and a human book is a unique way of presenting information. … The role of the public library is to provide access to information,” said Elaine Condos, the city’s acting librarian”

Smart girls are sexy
…but if you’re reporting on the story you might want to point out the source of the quote you list isn’t getting it right and make the correction to  inform your readers  of who sex workers actually are. Seems simple right?  It’s not. Let me say this real loud and proud and real clear. Strippers aresex workers. Sex worker isnt just a PC way of saying hooker, it’s an umbrella term that covers many kinds of people who do different kinds of sex work.

Sex workers need allies and often that’s sex writers but if sex writers cant get the terminology right then how in the world is the general non ally public supposed to get it. Like i said uphill battle, very very uphill.



This post is part of the Edens Fantasy sponsored post program

Grunt, scratch balls and grunt again

Youre about this subtle
I recently read a blog by a feisty redheaded colleague of mine about why top tier experienced escorts are leaving the business and her take wasn’t the economy, it was dealing with idiot clients or those that wished to become them. I think shes right, the bullshit has increased. Maybe because escorting is more accessible to the masses so there’s a bigger pool of numb nuts who spend their time sending out inquiries. I don’t know the why of it but i know it happens. A recent inquiry i got seemed to fit right in with this theory. I was contacted via a screening service, the potential client had seen a couple other legit girls (though their rates were a quarter of mine)  and they had vouched for his legitimacy. That’s always a good thing but this is the email he sent… verbatim.

“Just arriving in town and looking for a grerat time before I leave. Looking for a 2-3hr. appt. with trips to the Greek Isles if possible. Outcall if possible… dOUBLES ALSO IF POSSIBLE”

Oh take me away prince charming. I really am worth you at least running a spell check over your inquiry as i don’t generally provide “grerat” times. I’m spelling challenged myself but at least put in the bare minimum of effort, no one wants to deal with a lazy client, and you just showed me you are in fact lazy. Also what’s with the capricious capitalization on the thing about the doubles? Does it being mostly in all caps mean that its really, really important i bring another chick with me? The obvious glaring problem with this email is that this potential client uses stupid code for anal sex thinking that somehow that will circumvent the need for discretion. It doesn’t. You can say it what ever super secret code you like, its still being indiscreet and its really fucking annoying to get that kind of email from a complete stranger whom you have never communicated with before. The second issue is of course there no dates associated. Oh sure stranger who just broke escorting inquiry rule number one I’m free all the time, 24/7 at your convenience, I’m really hoping you will pay me money to stick your dick in my pooper and I’ll bring a random friend!

Now i know I’m being nit picky to some degree but if you have done any amount of research on me especially to the point where you are ready to make an inquiry to possibly spend some naked time then you should be well aware that i don’t usually let people nail me in the backdoor … yanno unless i’m married to you. Also that rule number one is discretion and discretion isn’t just I’ll not look like a 3 dollar whore when i show up to your 5 star hotel, its that you don’t ask me to exchange sex for money …. in email, on the phone or in person. I don’t care if you have a million other girls you banged vouch for you you. Screening services have all been infiltrated at one time or another to some degree they are not 100% fool proof.  Don’t do it, don’t ask for sex in an inquiry. We all know why we are here, you pay, i provide. If you need it spelled out for you then you are looking for trouble! If you need to know about anal sex then do some research and find my reviews that are floating on the tubes and viola! You are now informed. If you cant do that i would guess the proliferation of the word GFE in association with myself all over my website with never a mention of PSE might be your first fucking clue.

I did write this potential client back with a link to my screening form, asked for dates/times and emphasized my GFE nature. Of course i heard not a word back. Because this guy was either a cop, a time waster or just your every day dick in your hand dumbass hobbyist, none of which i want to hang out with in any capacity.

Why shut down shutdownIt was a favorite among touring girls and locals in smaller cities alike and a few months back when announced they were shutting down everyone speculated why. The parent company National A1 Advertising out of Pennsylvania (who also owns hot-movies) was recently raided and in the news. So rumors were rampant. the facts are no one knew why they were raided and which companies were involved and no one knew why the subsequent announced shut down of That Is until now.

It seems the good folks over at couldn’t keep their noses clean and used the operation for money laundering.

“A plea agreement filed Tuesday at U.S. District Court  in Williamsport, Pa., said the companies have agreed to forfeit nearly $5 million, pay a $1.5 million fine and serve 18 months probation.” ~Xbiz

Well there you have it, why they shut down. The company as a result have surrendered the domain name and many escorts and their clients lost a great resource. was well liked because they offered advertising and modest reviews but no message boards. The review system allowed for those being reviewed to write a response if they so chose. It was a nice balance of power, that so many escort review sites do not have. It gave escorts a bit of a voice and a little control over their own business.

Its also another example of how escort support services can’t see to keep their noses clean. Prostitution is illegal and thus even above board business often cant seem to operate on the straight and narrow. From photographers who want blow jobs in exchange for photoshoots, to web designers that over charge and then dont deliver,  to advertising venues that get busted for money laundering, it’s frustrating for those of us who are trying to run a business and dont want to have to deal with events or situations that are shady because people think they can get away with it because of who we are and what we do is illegal. The only solution is decriminalization… now

Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely

time time time
Stop adding time wasters to shared safety blacklists for dangerous clients! Yes, that’s right you heard me, knock that shit off. A blacklist is for serious issues. Not because some one’s a dumb fuck or annoying obnoxious gnat in email. That’s what your PERSONAL blacklist is for. Shared safety blacklists are for SAFETY ISSUES and and your not helping buy putting  people who are just stupid fucks on blacklists.  If you don’t know the difference between a safety issue and some jerk off fucking with your time, then my god its time to talk stock in your business practices and do some self reflection.

We all have annoying time wasters up in our in boxes. In fact there’s  this hilarious time waster dedicate website was just shown to me via the twitter the other day. Check it out, its funny and it illustrates what a time waster is if your not sure.  I also think anonymously starting a website detailing time wasters is appropriate way to vent on the subject but adding some annoying fuck bag to a list of dangerous clients, is well not appropriate and belittles the very serious issue of dangerous clients and deludes the importance of sharing safety information. Don’t turn a safety issue into your own personal bitch fest about annoying time wasting dirt bags… we all get them and i do understand the need to vent about it, that’s what your girlfriends are for, bitch to them they care about you.. I dont.