Tour Sick

Hit the road Jack

It happens to the best of us. You can’t avoid it. You always think you will but then you get in the middle of it and realize you are powerless and you have just become tour sick. Lots of escorts like me hit the road and tour. Were like rock bands only without the bus and the groupies. Well, some of us have groupies but not int he same way. You drag out your suitcase and start to pack, a variety of work clothes (i mean who travels with that much lingerie but hookers) way to many shoes, and  sex toys (take that TSA). Then  pick a city to go visit for a few days. Now in order to save expenses many girls and I myself have done this will hit several cities in a row. I once did 5 cities in just over a week yeah that’s four cities and in case you don’t wanna do the math that’s me in 10 airports over that amount of time. That’s enough to drive Mother Teresa insane.  But after a while the memory fades and you think you can do a few cities in a row. Hell, you’re already on the road  why not train it from one city to the other make it a 5 city tour on the east coast and not just a 3 day play trip to one city. Oh here’s why.. TOUR SICK.

I've become Robo Hooker!

There’s a special kind of crazy you go when you spend all your time hopping from strange hotel, to strange hotel, from strange city to strange city, spending all your time arranging to and fucking strangers. You have none of your creature comforts, no support system, hell you don’t even know where the local CVS is or a place to buy a decent but non expensive meal. You cant stomach room service one more time and frankly that crap is way over priced! You start to go a little nuts. The walls start to close in, you get agitated at things that wouldn’t bother you if you could only be back home and snuggle with your dog for a few minutes  but you cant, because you have your 3rd client of the day showing up in 10 minutes and you have to be smiling, sparkling and ready to please and engage them. Then you need to run to the CVS that you dont know the location of and pick up more rubbers, grab a bite to eat and if your no carb like me that’s not an easy find, then rush back for your 3 hour session. Plus you need time for a shower.  Yup tour sick. You try to console yourself with thoughts of how much money you’re making on the tour. You count and recount your cash telling yourself its all worth it. All the stress of travel, all the stress of not knowing where you are, all the stress of being a step-ford fuck doll all day and night every day and night for days on end. Yup, tour sick.

My favorite imaginary friends!

To help me deal with touring I like to keep some kinda schedule which isn’t always easy when you’re on a 3 hour time difference. I get up early, I don’t stay up all night unless I have an over night date and even then I do require some sleep, im funny like that. Having a routine helps. But the thing I have found that helps me deal with tour sickness is MSNBC. I shit you not. I call them my imaginary political friends, its familiar since i watch it at home all the time, its consistent and its always on and there for me. Strange as it sounds that’s what helps me over though rough patches on tour. Once while in Milwaukee my hotel didn’t carry MSNBC i found i spent all my time in the local bar drinking Jameson shots. No Bueno! Though that seemed like a good idea at the time being hung over in Milwaukee is no fun. Its better to stay grounded in your room and not try to distract yourself from the troubles of being on the road with booze.

There are girls who live on the road, living out of a suitcase never maintaining a home address, a home base, some place to call their own and be responsible for. Those girls… totally insane. Living on the road for an extended period of time will make even the most grounded person a fucking whack job. Ive seen it happen. They drink too much, they get involved with drugs, party too hard, have no roots, they are transient beings and being transitory like that having no real connection to people other then sitting around wanting to fuck then moving to another place to repeat the process… makes them their own special brand of crazy. Nice  people many of them…but looped.

I try to keep my touring to a manageable amount, though even I forget sometimes when enough time passes and have found myself on the losing end of the tour sickness stick. Like i said it happens to the best of us and i am certainly not immune.

4 thoughts on “Tour Sick

  • Willy Wonka

    Ah, touring. That brings back memories from when I was in a punk band in my 20’s. The biggest different I suppose was that we had to haul hundreds of pounds of equipment around and made no money. Your best chance for nooky was from your singer with a drug problem, who hit on you frequently, while claiming up and down not to be gay. This despite that he was always single and good looking. Yeh, touring can really suck.

  • I can sympathize; I do a lot of travelling for work, but typically for no more than a week at a time. On rarely is it airport travel; often it’s a lot of work from 8-5 and then a lot of driving afterwards. After reading your description, however, I feel like I’ve lost my right to complain about it 🙂

    Out of curiosity: Is three clients a day a lot of fun? Or is it really desensitizing?

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