A recent comment on my blog about the last meet and greet I attended got me thinking.
The commenter basically said that if it wasn’t for “bad” hobbyists that hookers like me would go broke. More then insinuating that escorts have to see not so stellar clients to get by. It’s an old argument that I believe is rooted in the age old “you cant say no, you’re a hooker” argument that comes up time and time again. I could argue the point until I’m blue in the face that escorts actually do have a choice on who they see and some guys would never accept it. I’m sure I probably will at some point bring it up again (can you say reoccurring theme) But that’s not what this comment got me thinking about.
He seemed to imply, actually it wasn’t an implication at all that there are more “bad” guys then good guys who see escorts. In fact the scales are so greatly tipped in the bad guy direction that he made the bold statement that escorts like me would “go broke” if we refused to see bad guys and only held out for good ones. Inferring that the majority, dare I say super majority pool of men who seek companionship are bad guys. That’s quite a statement and quite a damning commentary on his fellow hobbyists. Now to be fair he was reacting to a rather unflattering portrait I painted of my last hobby party so maybe he doesn’t truly believe most hobbyists are “bad” I would give him the benefit of the doubt on that if it wasn’t for the “zinger” her tried to get in at the end telling me I was “mean spirited” in my approach and wishing me “good luck with that” rut roh, was I being an uppity whore again and made someone mad on the Internet? Apparently so.
Now, I expected to piss some people off with my entry about my last meet and greet however I expected I would piss off the people who could see themselves reflected in the behaviors I wrote about. Maybe I was being naive but I didn’t expect to see such a blanket statement made by a man, a hobbyist, a john about his “bros” Sure I expected ladies who have shared experiences to chime in with their thoughts about similar situations but for a hobbyist to so flatly state that hobbyists are bad? What a surprise.
So the question is do hobbyists really think all other hobbyists are bad guys? Do they think of themselves that way or when they talk about how hookers would go broke if it weren’t for bad guys, do they mean all the other guys ..yanno all the other guys but them.
I know from the female prospective that lots of escorts struggle with the morality of what they do, the good and bad of it all. A lot of stigma is put on the “whore” even from within the community there is still stigma put on the ladies and there is still a heavy shame factor. There is stigma put on men who frequent prostitutes too but in the “hobby and message board subculture” its not so prevalent. The men are regaled who see many hookers, they write glowing reviews of their encounters, they are commended for writing not so glowing reviews of their encounters under the guise of looking out for each other. The women of course are often still just “whores” and many times discounted for it but them men… heroes among mongers.
So is that all just so much bullshit? Do they really think their fellow punter is a “bad guy” the guy they cyber high five for his detailed review of the hooker hes just fucked is really in their own eyes “bad.” Is that self loathing? Or an inability to come to terms with the reasoning of seeking out intimate encounters with paid ladies in the first place? Or worse is is derived from the observation that many hobbyists don’t treat the ladies they see with respect …. outside of the bedroom.
Is this really what hobbyists think of each other? I sure hope not because that is sad indeed. I know I don’t think poorly of the other ladies who choose to do this. Everyone has their reasons and everyone has their own demons and to generalize and put down an entire group for their choice, a choice I might add that I have in fact made for myself would be down right “mean spirited.”
I like to think I’m more self realized then that… at least I try hard to be.
“Human beings will line up for miles to buy a bucket of catastrophes, but don’t try selling sunshine and light – you’ll go broke.” ~Chuck Jones
I can’t speak for others, but I know that whether I’m a john, a webcam girl customer, a strip-club patron, or the guy picking up the “easy” girl at the bar, I’m always on by best behavior. I like to make the girl feel good about herself. I like to stick around and chat some (even after whatever “illicit” act we’re going to commit together has been committed). If we click, I like to be a regular patron. In the case of the “john” situation, I even like to be a friend outside of the “trick” encounters.
I always thought it was ’cause I was a nice guy, but you know what I realize after reading your post? It’s because I secretly believe all their other guys are bastards, and I kind of think of myself as a bastard, and damn it if I’m going to be a bastard I’ll be a bastard-in-shining-armor.
Interesting how self-reflection works 🙂
I think I’m a decent guy. I think that I behave appropriately, with appreciation and respect, to the escorts I see. When I first joined online P4P communities, I assumed almost all P4P clients were decent guys as well. I still think most P4P clients are decent guys, just as I think most escorts are decent ladies.
On the other hand, if one looks primarily at guys who participate frequently on P4P boards . . . the percentage of jerks is higher than I originally might have expected.
I say that not based on their involvement in P4P, but because these guys I consider jerks are often crude and rude, overly demanding and critical, controlling and manipulative — at times to the point of misogyny.
One of the most surprising (and depressing) realizations I’ve had of late is that many of my fellow hobbyists are real jackasses. Some are even worthy of the title of scumbag and low life. I natively though that most were kind of happy-go-lucky types who really enjoyed sex and meeting interesting and beautiful women. Sadly, I think that for the most part, I was wrong. It’s given me a greater appreciation for the ladies in this business, that’s for sure. It’s also reinforced in me the value of being a decent human being who tries to be generous and caring of others.