Personal responsibility

Personal responsibility is in the news a lot. From the banking crisis to the oil spill. The cry from the more thoughtful among us is, “where  is the personal responsibility.” Would the country gotten into the money crisis it is in the bankers personal assets were at risk as they off loaded our risk in their casino style dealings? Doubtful. What about BP and the gulf oil spill. When testifying before Congress the mantra was “its not my fault” 11 people died in that man made disaster, it would be nice of someone sacked up and said “we fucked up, were at fault” it will never happen.

I do my best to be responsible for my actions. I’m not perfect but it is a characteristic that’s important to me so i try and do the best i can. Though outspoken and vocal I’m not a line crosser. I don’t identify the line then cross it on purpose and intentionally. I don’t think I’m often an unintentional line crosser. I’ve have crossed lines and when i do i always feel bad and do what i can to try to make up for it.

I was recently criticized publicly on a hooker message board, on private boards and back channel for my rather colorful dissertation of a hobby meet and greet i attended. The “types” i directly shone a white hot spotlight on recognized the behaviors in my writing and took offence to it. It went like this “how dare that whore not think were awesome. Doesn’t she know how entitled we are” okay so that’s me paraphrasing but it went on and on like that. blah bah blah.

Me saying that my experience was terrible and reporting back on the abhorrent behaviour i saw isn’t crossing the line. Now if i had called out the worst violators by name/handle/halitosis (since i happen know the names being the one watching the spectacle) then ridiculed and mocked them personally that would have been me crossing the line. Instead i wrote in general terms about my personal experience as a whole and how the whole thing made me throw up in my mouth a little. My little post was a firestorm of controversy! I got “blacklisted” buy some assclown organizing a party in my city, it was a party i didn’t request an invite to but he felt it necessary to let me know i was “blacklisted.” because i wrote something he didn’t like.  He later had to cancel said party for “unknown” reasons. Good thing i never asked for that invite or i might have been sad there was going to be no hobby party for me to attend and be disrespected at.

Another strange occurrence is I received invitations to other parties, mostly on the other coast. I think this was because they wanted to show me that not every where was like i had experienced. At least that’s my impression of the why. I don’t travel as much these days so its unlikely attending any of these would be possible. Interesting juxtaposition of the two positions though. Ban me from parties or show me your party is a good one.

The organizer of the party I wrote about was naturally pissed at me for dissing his party but when i explained to him that i didn’t think he was responsible for other peoples behavior, he expressed concern for me and informed me that i was getting pretty heavily slammed on a escort reviewers only forum he was a member of. How sweet of him to be concerned that the old dogs were trying to tear me apart back channel. Well, it was sweet until i came to find out he was one of the slammers!  Yeah it only took a day before i was informed who was slamming whom and what exactly they were saying. So I’ve known all along, like i always do. Secrets on message boards? They never stay secrets for more then 2.5 seconds.  So i wonder what the other old dogs are going to think when they find out LA party planner is telling their tales out of school about private hooker board slammings (and not the fun kind!) oh well, i guess he should take some personal responsibility for that.

Being an escort i come in contact with a lot of line crosses and non responsibility takers. Maybe its entitlement issues, which is one of my pet peeves. Entitlement issues run strong in the hooker world. It’s the buying and selling of sex and the dehumanization of the person doing the selling by men who basically hate themselves and their life choices, that i think is a major contributing factor. (oh the dreaded hobbyist) It’s easier to take it out on the whores they pay to fuck then to be responsible for the choices they made that have lead them to be in a position to be fucking hookers in the first place. Oh there’s that personal responsibility thing again.

Now, i don’t think there is anything wrong with fucking hookers. I really don’t. I know the difference between love and sex. Friend and client. Lover and fuck buddy. I do think however that there is something wrong with thinking you’re entitled to be an asshole to hookers. I think there is something wrong if you think you’re special because you fuck hookers. It’s turned very adversarial, the “hobbyist” / provider relationship or interaction. Us against them seems to be the mantra from the hobbyist side of the fence. I feel resented, a lot. As if these men are forced to see hookers and somehow that’s my fault. They want to punish us, are jealous of us, resent us but… continue to use our services. I suppose me being outspoken, upfront and spilling the beans on the subculture to my small corner of the world doesn’t make men who aren’t self realized, self accepting of their choices to fuck hookers and be involved in a very detailed and time consuming way in the hooker subculture very comfortable.

Oh well… i can take personal responsibility for that.