04.04
In cops ,escorts ,haters ,hooker ,outing ,safety ,sex work | Tags: escorting, sex work, stalking
serendipity or stalking
I’ve been stalked. I’ve been stalked in my real life a few years back, it was the first time something like that happened to me. I didn’t know who my stalker was but wow he sure knew a lot about me. My name, where I lived, my phone number, details about my life. It was pretty awful. I had to inform my neighbors, my landlord, my parents and the police. Yes i contacted the police. I slept with a baseball bat under my bed and registered for a concealed weapons permit. It went on for about a year. I took advice from everyone with knowledge on how to handle the situation and what to do. I’m sure that advice I followed kept me safe. Eventually it just stopped. Poof! Done! For a long time I didn’t know who it was who had stalked and harassed me. Then they slipped up. I suppose because they had likely began bothering someone else who didn’t take the steps I did, who didn’t have the help I did in how to handle the situation. I now know who my stalker was. Someone I knew in my real life, a man I had gone home with once years back and who had recently entered my social circle because he was dating a girlfriend of mine. Obviously he’s a fucking damaged person.
That experience taught me a lot so when I was stalked as “Jenny” by someone who knew me as an escort I knew how to handle the situation much better then if I had never been stalked in the real world. I also had resources that most people wouldn’t have. I believe the intent was to terrorize me and make me afraid of “would could happen” if my secret life were to be exposed to the public but I cant control other peoples actions i can only control my own and how i react to people. I took steps to protect myself and called it a day. Que sera, sera and all that jazz.
It doesnt pay, really!
Is it a commentary on the world we live in when women are so frequently stalked? Ex lovers, friends, detractors, acquaintances, fans, it seems like anyone can cross the line these days. You read about it in the papers all the time. Does the technology we have now make it easier for unstable people to cross the line thinking they cant be traced, thinking what they are doing is anonymous? Maybe but the truth is if you chose the Internet as your venue to further someones stalking or harassment you actually have made yourself more traceable, more locatable, more vulnerable to being caught and in more extreme cases more prosecutable. There are electronic footprints available to law enforcement, sure you need to go though proper channels but now that so many women (and men too) from so many different walks of life are being stalked, when you contact the proper authorities they are more likely to listen to your story … even if you are a whore. This I know from experience. They listened to me. They will listen to you too. If they don’t listen, find someone else who will. Keep looking and keep trying to get help.
You have to do your due diligence, you have to be proactive, you have to protect yourself, you have to take steps to end your stalking. You will not only feel stronger but your life can and for many people it often does depend on it.
Resources:
CyberAngels
www.cyberangels.org
National Organization for Victim Assistance
www.try-nova.org
Stalking Resources Center
www.ncvc.org/src/
Working to Halt Online Abuse
www.haltabuse.org
3 Responses.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jenny DeMilo and Adora Cash, Joe Gillis. Joe Gillis said: RT @jennydemilo: New blog post "stalk her, i dont even know her" yup ive been stalked GO READ http://bit.ly/9S9GCq [...]
It’s a sad commentary that people can be so unhinged to do such terrible things.
Well THAT gives a whole new meaning to my being familiar
Seriously though, the amount of personal information people put out their is terrifying. I have some obsessive traits, and sometimes when I want to know more about a girl I’m interested in, I jump on the internet and uncover what I can. Because of those obsessive traits, I’m usually good at finding almost everything that IS out their on the internet. I try very hard not to cross the line between casual interest and privacy violation (it’s the same problem when I’m interviewing perspective employees), but because of how careless people are with their personal info, it a VERY thin line.
Take this waitress I met in St. Louis, at my hotel a few weeks back: I thought she was really interesting and she was really into me, but because I’m trying to be good I didn’t take it anywhere. She told me to look her up on Facebook if I ever wanted to chat. However, I lose the email address she gave me to look her up with.
I’m still intrigued though, so I decide I’ll see if I can hunt down her Facebook myself. I start by Googling her first name (which was all I had) and her city: turns out she has a pretty unique first name for her city, and by Googling the five of so people with the same first name, I eventually get her full name (and phone number, which I wasn’t looking for). From her full name, I get her Facebook, Blog, and Professional Photography website. In her blog, she posts pictures of her parents and son, and talks about what they like to do and where they like to hang out. Also, she uses a unique screen name that links me to her circle of photographer friends, her portfolio, and some of the modelling work she’s done. Some of the NUDE modelling work she’s done. And the worst part: she describes in detail the landmarks across the street from her home, and behind her home.
Now mind you, this only took me about half an hour. And I wasn’t even being crazy obsessive, and I didn’t even WANT most of this information… I really just wanted her Facebook profile. And I live 2000 miles away, and I’m no threat. But what if I’d been a psychopath, and lived closer? I can find her home within a block now, and I know where she likes to have coffee. I know what her son looks like, and could probably deduce where he goes to school. You know that’s not the kind of person I am, but if I can get that info, ANY one could.
Anyways, I don’t share all this to creep people out about me, just as a cautionary tale: network your private life and your online life too closely, and you’re begging for trouble.