I need to get laid. I need to get pounded, screwed, have my brains fucked out. Fucked 12 ways to Sunday, up one side and down the other, until I’m exhausted and bruised. I’m not talking about client sex. Where my focus is on someone else’s needs, desires and wants. I’m talking about greedy, all about me, fuck me until i cant walk sex.
Since the man in my life and i are not exactly on the same page these days, it’s been a while since i gotten laid MY way. When we are on the same page, he can whisper in my ear and I’m on the edge begging for him to push me over. When were not on the same page, were not around each other much so our intimate time is scarce, fleeting and I’m left longing, cranky and feeling unloved.
It’s true i equate sex to love most of the time. I know better but i cant help it. I suppose “my past” is responsible for that. Maybe i feel so in need right now because i hunted down my past and have been having to my surprise, quite a pleasant email conversation with him for the last few days. It’s left me confused, sad and strangely hopeful. I’m quite certain my ability to be a escort are rooted in that first adult relationship, i had with “my past”.
So my solution… work. keep my mind off my animal drive to have greedy all about me sex. To distract my body with my brain. I have 4 photo-shoots to finish by Monday of next week. So i do have my work cut out for me. That much work in such a short time should be keeping my mind off my pussy and off my past and on my goal, But its not.
I can’t help it… i just cant help it.